Hillbilly Newlyweds

A couple in East Tennessee had just gotten married and were at their hotel ready to start their honeymoon. Jim Bob sat on the bed while Betty Sue was in the bathroom getting ready. Betty Sue finally stepped out wearing a slinky negligee and sat next to Jim Bob on the bed. "Sweety," she said, "I'm kind of nervous. I ain't never done this before." Jim Bob jumped off of the bed, pulled on his pants on and drove to his parents house, leaving his new bride stranded at the hotel. His father asked him what had happened, and upon hearing what Betty Sue had said the father nodded his head in approval. "Son, you did the right thing. If she ain't good enough for her family, she ain't good enough for ours neither!"

Southern Ettikut!

Two ladies were sitting next to each other on a plane. One was a Yankee and the other, a Southern Belle. The Southern Belle turned to the Yankee and asks, "So where y'all from?" The Yankee turned her steely gaze to the Southern Belle and replied, "I am from a place where we do NOT end our sentences with a preposition." Silence ensued and the flight continued until a few minutes later when the Southern Belle again turned to the Yankee and asked, "So, where are y'all from, bitch?"

Where Did Arabs Come From?

God forbid that I bring the female species under any more contempt or degradation than they've already endured throughout time, but let's face it, by nature, we gals are territorial. Daresay, I bring this to the table, but when you think about it, if blame is to be placed on anyone for the state of the world today, a woman must bear that burden and her name is Sarah, wife of Abraham. Contrary to the Jerry Falwells of the world that preach "Woman, Submit", evidently, the role was reversed in the Abraham/Sarah/Hagar dilemma. Sarah who was long past the age of child-bearing, wanted a child, and according to the "Patriarchs Version", God told Abraham to go and sleep with Sarah's handmaiden, Hagar. Supposedly, Adultery was AOK during that period of the Old Testament, must have gotten out of hand! So Abraham being an obedient servant of God, obeyed, visited Hagar the Handmaiden in her tent, and well, you know the rest, ultimately she was impregnated with Abraham's seed!. You are now with child and you will have a son. You shall name him Ishmael, for the LORD has heard of your misery. He will be a wild donkey of a man; his hand will be against everyone and everyone's hand against him, and he will live in hostility toward all his brothers. (NIV, Genesis 16) Rather unusual "Blessing" on this Ishmael child, a wild donkey? About fourteen years later, an angel visited Sarah and told her she would conceive a child, and would name him Isaac. Sarah was ecstatically happy about the reality and birth of her son and even laughed in the presence of the angels, that foretold of the miracle. There is little doubt in my mind that the precept that women should submit unto men was actually invented by the patriarchal system. Especially when God told Abraham to hearken unto Sarah and obey her. Doesn't sound like female submission to me! Sarah, obviously forgot that maternity or pregnancy was actually intended as a curse brought upon all of Eve's daughters, for the sin Eve allegedly committed in the Garden. So laughing and being happy just wasn't something expected of a woman and considered unpardonable. It is said by most philosophers, that the exalted of all love is that which a Mother has for her children. However, this divine awakening of affection, didn't flow over to Sarah's handmaiden, Hagar. There was problems there, and evidently, Hagar was the culprit...and used Ishmael to provoke Sarah. Hagar despised Sarah and there was friction between the two women, and Sarah became jealous of the attention that Abraham was giving to Ishmael, Hagar's son and reprimanded him. Actually, the way the story goes, Ishmael was mocking Isaac and that got the best of Sarah who basically told Abraham to lose the excess baggage, as he would never share in the inheritance with her son, Isaac. If you can imagine the situation, it becomes clear as to what Sarah was having to contend with. Sarah quickly picked up the animosity from Hagar and decided to end it before it went any further. She took the role of the wife and mother, protecting her son's legacy and got rid of the problem. God confirmed Sarah, as he told Abraham, "To hearken to her voice, and obey her command". Imagine that... Isaac grew, and on the day he was weaned Abraham held a great feast. But Sarah saw that Ishmael was mocking Isaac, and she said to Abraham; "Get rid of that slave woman and her son, for that slave woman's son will never share in the inheritance with my son Isaac." (NIV, Genesis 21:8-10) Abraham appeared to be under Sarah's control, when he banished Hagar and his son, Ishmael to the desert. The matter distressed Abraham greatly because it concerned his son. But God said to him, "Do not be so distressed about the boy and your maidservant. Listen to whatever Sarah tells you, because it is through Isaac that your offspring [b] will be reckoned. I will make the son of the maidservant into a nation also, because he is your offspring." (NIV, Genesis 21:11-13) In this scene, Old Abe doesn't appear in a very attractive light, rising up early in the morning, sending Hagar and his first born into the wilderness with only a breakfast of bread and water to care for themselves. He didn't even provide a servant, a donkey with provisions or a tent to shelter them from the elements, nothing at all...just sent them into the wilderness to fiend for themselves. Even the most lowlife of mankind, would have done more, and what is really the clicker is this was all done with God's approval. The rest of the story is engraved in stone....An angel visited Hagar in the wilderness and told her something similar to what was promised to Abraham, Hagar, with her son, wandered in the wilderness of Beersheba, and when reduced to great distress, a voice from heaven said "What is the matter, Hagar? Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there. Lift the boy up and take him by the hand, for I will make him into a great nation." (Genesis 21) Legend has it by some that she wandered right on up to Mecca...in search of water for her son...thus, Enter the Arabs...and that my friends is how all of this middle east crap got started in the first place! Moral Of The Story: Don't (Trust)let (your) handmaiden (Best Friend) sleep (with) your husband!

Welfare Recipient VS Social Worker

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive her around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two- bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year." The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You've gotta be kidding me!" The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it."

Spiritual Lesson For Today

"As soon as we lose the moral basis, we cease to be religious. There is no such thing as religion over-riding morality. Man, for instance, cannot be untruthful, cruel or incontinent and claim to have God on his side." ___Mohandas Gandhi

Jaws, For Real!!!

Having lived in Kaneohe Hawaii for several years, visiting the Country, North Shore...the waves are incredible! This video captures Mike Parson's dance with 66 foot "Jaws"! Check it out!

Riders On The Storm

When You're Smiling.....

Evolution of Dance - Very Funny!

Money Makes The World Go Round....or does it?

There is one thing that I have learned over the years, and the foundation of that learning came from my practice of Buddhism at an earlier time of my life. Happiness is not acquired through material wealth, relationships or worldly influences. True happiness comes from within, and is a perpetual state of being, resting on the fact that no matter what happens in the external world, it does not affect that state. People have conditioned themselves over time, withdrawing from the world, checking into convent's, choosing life in a monastery to try and capture this perfect state. Their idea, supposedly, is the path of least resistance. Knowing man's nature, they refuse to allow themselves to be caught up in the path of temptation, and ultimately spend a good portion of their lives in celibacy, chastity and living an incredibly difficult austere life. My thoughts are this is a terrible mistake for those people, because challenges are essential to our growth. It's how we meet challenges and our ability to avoid the pitfalls that come along with them, that tends to be our downfall. If you have a problem, and in trying to arrive at a solution, you hurt another person, whether intentional or not, this will be a thorn in your side eventually. Oh yeah, it's called "KARMA" and it's real, as much as western civilization and the christian church would like to tell you different. Just try and avoid experiencing it, and it makes you a believer. Just like what you sow, you will reap...same thing, just East vs West! I would never laugh at another's misfortune, but I have to admit, when someone has a string of problems that date way back in time, and they are still struggling down the trodden path, pulling the weight behind them like a mule pulling a buggy full of rocks, it amazes me to hear them say, they don't believe in the term "Karma". It's human nature to want what you can't have, and the irony of it is that always, once you get it, you can't relate to why you wanted it in the first place. Why is that? Did you know that you can look at the present life of a person and get a pretty good idea of the activities of their past. People base their happiness on the temporal world, but when it comes down to it, that is a fleeting happiness that is subject to collapse at any given moment, by the conditions they set forth. That's not happiness, it's an illusive state of being, and given the reason, subject to change without warning. Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.___Albert Einsten Many people claim that money is the root of all evil and they say this in sheer ignorance, because money in itself is not evil, but the love or worship of money is, and above all, what you do with the money! The sad thing about these poor souls is that they do not understand the true meaning of love, because love is nurtured and grows deeper with time and its reciprocal. Love and money are truly incompatible, because the more you have the more you want, and there is never satisfaction. It's a perpetual evil and it usually manifests as arrogance, selfishness, greed and possesses the people causing them to horde and elevate themselves over those less fortunate. It's easy to become comfortable and at ease when things are going well, and you shine like a brilliant diamond. You become the light of your world, and could care less about all of the other stars that light up the heavens. Someone said...Every man and woman is a star, as above, so below...Eventually, when your light dims, becoming less brilliant by the conditions of your life, you lose the "bling-bling", and fall apart, bottom out, resemling just an ordinary beaten up rock. Usually, then someone generally comes along, picks you up, dusts you off and gives you a really nice polishing, and set you up to recapture your brilliance once more, only to continue the cycle. The way I see it, if you want to know how rich you are, don't look in the bank, or your purse, or the car in your garage, look at all of the things that you have that money can't buy!

Somebody Has To Care!

There comes a time in our lives, when we have to look at things a little differently, remove the focus of self, and step back and look at the bigger picture. The picture that encompasses more than ourselves, call it the "Collective", the World, the Big Picture... No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind...John Donne It is frustrating when people that I truly care about tell me, "Oh I’m not concerned, it’s not my problem." "I’ve enough to worry about if I worry about my own problems." Don’t get me wrong, I can relate to that to a certain extent, but there comes a time, when we have to realize that every man and woman is a star that comprises the entire universe. For me to say that I’m not concerned about the state of the world, knowing that I have not only children but grandchildren who will carry on after I leave this space in time, and possibly face a much worse world than we are now living in, is of utmost concern to me. Perhaps, you would have to be a parent who loves and wants the best for their children to understand. That does not mean that one should throw caution to the wind, losing all cares of tomorrow and strike out on a mission to save the world, but it does mean that one should be “Aware” of the suffering of others, as it will often make our own plight less harder to bear. Here’s The Story! Mickey Mouse was peeking through a small hole in the wall and noticed Farmer Bob and his wife, Ethel opening a package that just arrived from Fed Ex. Mickey was excited about all of the goodies it might contain, and his mouth began to water, when suddenly the farmer pulled out a mousetrap! Mickey’s little beady eyes, nearly bulged out of their sockets, and he felt that the time was right for him to leave, so he departed, making a mad dash toward the barnyard, with a deep sense of urgency, alerting all of his friends “GOTTA MOUSETRAP IN THE HOUSE, GOTTA MOUSETRAP IN THE HOUSE!” Coquita, the Chicken, clucked and scratched, bobbing her head around, like she was listening to some soulful R&B, then slowly raising up she looked at Mickey, batting her eyelashes, and said to Mickey, “I can tell this is a serious concern to you Mickey, but it is of no concern to me; I can’t be bothered with it, I have other priorities that are much more important to me. I have to look out after “Coquita”, it’s not my problem.” Mickey, feeling very disgusted with her bitchy attitude, turned and Porky Pig was munching out in his trough, and stopped slurping, long enough to say, “Hi Mickey”! Mickey replied to Porky Pig, “Gotta mousetrap in the house”! “I-i-i-i’m s-s-s-so so-so-so-rry M-m-m-m-mickey, Porky said sympathetically, “budip budip budip but all I c-c-c-c-can d-d-d-do is pray, j-j-j-just kn-n-n-n-now that you are in my p-p-p-prayers”. Mickey thanked Porky the Pig and turned to Clarissa the Cow, who sarcastically replied “Yikes, Mickey, A mousetrap in the house?” Oh Lordy, that’s so bad. That means I am in grave danger, Duh?” So Mickey, with his head down, feeling dejected, saddened, like he had no friends in his barnyard world that gave a damn, returned to the house to face his worst fears alone, the Mousetrap! Later that night, after everyone had turned in, and everything was quiet…suddenly the silence was broken by the sound of the new mousetrap catching its prey. Ethel, the farmer’s wife, hurriedly scuttled to see what had been caught in the new mousetrap. It was pitch dark and little did she know that a venomous snake, Charlie the Copperhead, had caught its tail in the trap, and because of the darkness, when she reached down to check it out, old Charlie bit the crap out of her. Farmer Bob put Ethel in his pickup truck and rushed her to the hospital. She returned home with a Fever and Bob asked her if she needed anything as he put her to bed. She asked him to get her some “Chicken Soup”, because it’s the tried and true remedy for fever. So off goes Farmer Bob to the barnyard with his hatchet in hand for the key ingredient, Coquita the Chicken! It turns out that sassy Coquita has encountered a major problem she didn’t anticipate! Nonetheless, Ethel’s condition continued to worsen and a stream of nearby neighbors and friends visited and sat with her all throughout the day and evening. As they were sitting around talking, someone mentioned that they had a hankering for some good old barbecue, so Uncle Bob, got up, put his hat on, and went out to butcher Porky the Pig, while several of the men readied the pit, a few of the women folks, went to the kitchen to prepare, fried potatoes, slaw, baked beans, hushpuppies, and peach cobbler. A few days later, Ethel’s condition finally reached a sorrowful climax; she passed on to the Promised Land. Talk about a wake, so many visitors came to pay their respects that Farmer Bob had Clarissa the Cow slaughtered to feed them all. Sucks to be Clarissa, Duh? So, the moral of this story is, the next time you hear that someone is facing hard-times, or has a “problem”, don’t think that it doesn’t concern you because what it all boils down to is when the least of us are threatened, we’re all at risk. In the book of Matthew, in chapter 25:31-55, A condensed version basically says that on the last day, Jesus will say to those on His right hand, "Come, enter the Kingdom. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was sick and you visited me." Then Jesus will turn to those on His left hand and say, "Depart from me because I was hungry and you did not feed me, I was thirsty and you did not give me to drink, I was sick and you did not visit me." These will ask Him, "When did we see you hungry, or thirsty or sick and did not come to your help?" And Jesus will answer them, "Whatever you neglected to do unto one of these least of these, you neglected to do unto me!"