Monday, April 16, 2007

Ponder These,....

I used to eat a lot of natural foods,until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

**
Gardening Rule:
When weeding,the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

**
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

**
Never take life seriously; nobody gets out alive anyway.

**
There are two kinds of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.

**
Life is sexually transmitted.

**
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

**
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

**
Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

**
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

**
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

**
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

**
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

**
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

**
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly thingies here, and drink whatever comes out?"

**
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

**
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

**
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

**
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

**
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

**
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

**
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

**
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

**
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

**
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

**
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Source: Anonymous

Comments on "Ponder These,...."

 

post a comment