Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Oil Companies: 21st Century Crooks
Thursday, May 15, 2008
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
Letter From The Devil
|My Children of the 21st Century,|
Look at you.....Not a care in the world because most of you have had everything given to you including that silver-spoon your Mommy's stuffed in your mouth and forgot to remove it long ago...
21st Century Mommy's are so nice.
They allow their daughters to latch onto Britney, Paris, and every other hollywood trainwreck as role models, and pay no attention to the lyrics of the rap music you listen to or for that matter what musician you drool after. Most of the time, they are humming the tunes on their way to work every morning, focusing on how they can manage to stop by Starbucks, while on their hectic commutes. They are so engrossed in their work and extra-home activities that as long as you are busy and not in their way. Mommies are special people, they give you their plastic money and allow you to shop till you drop, and wear any sexy, slutty, ultra-mini revealing outfit to school and play as long as it has your favorite disney idol's label, not to mention how much you attract all of my prize grown perverts and sexual deviates that lurk at bus-stops, playgrounds and malls, just waiting to pounce. Mommies are like that...yes they are.
Not to worry Mommy's, I'm the man..I'll take care of them, just like they were my own.
For your future pleasure, I've created a multimedia event for all to enjoy that will put the creators of Star Wars, Star Gate and Star Trek to shame...and hopefully you'll all be in it. I've given you extremely dynamic designer drugs to lull you to sleep, enhance your perceptions of the real world, and at the same time keep you clueless... For those of you that are drug-free, I've managed to keep Alcohol which is laughably legal by your country's laws... at the top of the list for college students, rebellious kids, the young troops which help some of you leave this cruel world, or assist others when you get into your car after a night of boozing, clubbing and delirium killing others. Yet, if you survive unscathed by tragedy, you still manage to make it to Sunday School the next day...who say's I'm not fair or that I play dirty!
Alcohol was one of my best drug creations because of it's subtlety, availability and user friendliness...it never allows you to think you can't control it. It begins with social drinking, peer pressure, everybody is doing it so I have to do it to fit in to this group, this family...and you have it by the tail or at least you think you do...soon the roles reverse and it grabs you by the throat.
It's attractive to the hurting, weak and vulnerable...it can be your best friend, giving you comfort when everyone else has departed, when you experience that ultimate break-up from the love of your life, when you catch him/her with another..
As for youth. you're thinking, Mommy and Daddy do it and they seem OK, so it has to be OK for me too!
This is all necessary, because for as long as I can keep you guys, F'd up, drunk'd up, and oblivious to my ultimate plan...you won't see me coming and I'm on my way....you can take that to the bank!