Sunday, April 29, 2007

Abbreviations 2007

After listening to several commercials on TV advertising medicine, I realized that we are subtlely becoming hit with a barrage of diseases that have become abbreviated.
For example, P.A.D is Peripheral Artery Disease, P.M.S is Pre-Menstrual Syndrome, C.O.P.D is Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disorder and on and on

It dawned on me, while listening to all of this, that the Disease A.I.D.S must be Army Induced Disease for me!

Beautiful Words

There is a destiny that makes us brothers
None goes his way alone
All that we send into the lives of others
Comes back into our own

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Now That's What I'm Talking About!

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Fruit Of The Vine, Fountain Of Youth!

According to Spanish researchers, red wine is a good source of melatonin, a naturally occuring hormone that delays the inflammation that causes your body to age. Melatonin can also be found in onions, cherries, bananas,coran oats, rice, mint and thyme....think I'll have the glass of wine!

Sniff This To Boost Your Mood!

You can call it "Weird Science" or perhaps some science-type macho male's from UCLA at Berkely calling themselves Scientists have found that the compound "Androstadienone" found in male perspiration causes a lift in mood and alertness in women when they inhale it! Ok Ladies, the next time your man walks through the door after a sweaty run, or a rough day at the office/factory....grab that Tshirt and let it take you away.....!!

Here's A Brain Tickler For You!

This morning, I was looking through some of my old posts and a good friend of mine had posted this some time ago. Grab a cup of coffee and see if you can come up with an answer!

James Banner said ... (5:14 AM) :

If you have 519 sins to commit and you've already committed 143 sins and have already planned 54 more sins, and assuming all of the sins you've comitted were planned, and it takes 16 hours to plan a sin and 3 hours to commit each sin but you can only plan & commit a sin on a day with an even-numbered day, then how many days will it take to plan and commit all of these sins?

Monday, April 16, 2007

Krispy Kreme Calendar Gals!

Click on Pic to Zoom!

The Purina Diet

A guy was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for his dog and was in line to check out.
A woman behind him asked if he had a dog.
Supposedly on impulse, he told her no, he was starting The Purina Diet again, although he probably shouldn't because he'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that he lost 50 pounds before he awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of his orifices and IVs in both arms.
He continued, telling her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina Little Bites and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so he was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with this guy's story, particularly a tall guy behind him.
Horrified, this lady asked if he'd been poisoned and was that why he was in the hospital.
He said, No....he'd been sitting in the street licking his balls and a car hit him.
I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

Ponder These,....

I used to eat a lot of natural foods,until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule:
When weeding,the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously; nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly thingies here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Source: Anonymous

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Did You Know?

1. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes when you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight & sleep tight."

2. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based; this period was called the honey month or what was known today as the honeymoon.

3. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's."

4. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

5. In ancient England a person could not have sex unless you had consent of the King (unless you were in the Royal Family). When anyone wanted to have a baby, they got consent of the King; the King gave them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The placard had "Censored)" (Fornication Under Consent of the King) on it. Now you know where that came from.

6. In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

Source: Anonymous

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Gaston Classified

This was taken from a local classified section....only in Gaston County!!

howdy yall my grandmaw has an older mitsubishi big screen tv on her front porch that she wants gone asap. i think its a 46 inch. it worked good for a while, then you would have to beat it to come on, now it dont come on at all. dont know why and aint got time to look at it. it located off of highway 5 heading towards york. you would have to give me at least 5 dollars in gas money so that i can meet you and take you to where tv is. i have to be there. and need a couple guys to help move, its heavy. need gone asap. sorry no pics