Friday, June 23, 2006

The Evil Ways Of WOMYN

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice, "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph. The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55. He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says. Up to 60."I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph."And," he says, "I'll take the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!"The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.

This makes him nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?"The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need," she says."Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles "The airbag."Moral of the Story: Women are very clever. Don't mess with them!

Tennessee Hillbillies First Visit To The Mall

A Tennessee Hillbilly Family ventured off the mountain to visit nearby Knoxville for their first visit to a mall.
The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slideback together again.
The boy asked, "Paw, what's at?"The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that fore in my entire life, I ain't got no idear what that thang is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular number above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year-old blonde woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son"Boy..................go git cha Momma!"

Saturday, June 10, 2006

It dawned on me after my second cup of coffee that from the beginning of time, man has never wanted to accept blame. They always need a scapegoat.

There are two stories recorded in the book of Genesis that tell of the supposedly "Fruit" incident. Both are complete contradictions. So.....what do we believe?

It's written in scripture, Prove all things; hold fast to that which is good." I Thessalonians.

That appeals to me intellectually and spiritually, for I have a problem with clergy of today that tell us that we must accept every written word in the bible upon faith.

Historically speaking, there is no evidence that Jesus ever wrote anything down, and the New Testament of the bible was created by the Patriarchs of Alexandria who designed and created Catholicism to direct the Pagans into the church for control purposes.

However, going back to the verse in I Thessalonians, it is necessary that we take into account, when attempting to derive information from ancient scripture, to consider the history and culture of the times.

If I wrote a modern-day bible, with anecdotes and tales of the daily lives of our people of the 21st century, our future generation would nonetheless be in the same position we are in today if they knew nothing of our culture.

We have political issues, war issues, drug issues, cultural issues, gender-specific issues and many more that would cause extreme confusion to a future generation that knew nothing of our society as a whole.

And what would make matters worse, would be to have several unknown's writing contradictory accounts of events that had taken place at one place in time. This is what I truly believe happened in the book of Genesis that layed the foundation for the ultimate denigration of the Woman and has been a stumbling block to women from the beginning of time.

Man must quit blaming women for their competitive disadvantages and do that which they were designed to do. Work hard, make a lot of money, and allow the women to take care of everything else.

Imagine a world like that....economically sound, peaceful, gentle, caring and flourishing. Women as lawmakers...

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Saga of the Shaved Puss!

It all started several months ago, when I was adopted by my master's sister. So I move to a new home with her husband, about a hundred miles away.
I'm pu-r-r-r-fectly sure that my owners husband didn't really care for the "Feline Species", or at least that's what he initially told her at the early stages of their relationship. He's a "Canine Fella", you know the kind...."Man's Best Friend", "Woof Woof" and all that Jazz!
This attitude would seriously intimidate most Cats, making them extremely uncomfortable.
I said, "most Cats"...not this one... basically, I
just closed my eyes, and began to think of ways to convince this person that I was definately going to be the "Queen Kitty" of his castle and he'd better get use to it!

As for my new mistress, she being a cat-lover from a child, still greived her long lost "Lucifurr", who evidently has passed on by this time, leaving behind only a melancholy memory. It's said that he just wandered into her life one day on the banks of the Pamlico Sound in Chocowinity, North Carolina. It was evening, and while she stood at the water's edge he appeared and immediately captured her heart. He traveled with her to a new place called Wilmington, where he resided with her until the end of her marriage. She saw him once more, driving through the old neighborhood, on Halloween. He got into her car, visited for a few minutes and left to join friends, never to be seen again.

It didn't take long for me to adapt to my new home or the owners to adapt to me, even the questionable "Cat-Hater"!

Let's just say, I used my charm and wit, making sure that I greeted this creature daily, when he arrived home from where ever it is that he goes each day. My charm was working great, because he always spoke to me, sometimes reaching down to rub my head.

Finally, I knew that I had captured his affection, when he arrived at the home one evening with a Cat Condo, a bag of cat toys and scrumptious cat treats that would enrapture the palate of any feline.

Woe is me..., I'm so fat, that I can't even fit into my condo....Alas, he took it back and bought himself something instead....Jerk! Nonetheless, it wasn't long before I developed a rapport with my new owners, and discovered all the really neat chilling places...such as the colorful, gorgeous velvet sofa!

You see, my previous owner allowed me to run aloof....sometimes going out at night and returning when I chose to. My buddies all lived outdoors, some homeless and did we ever rule the neighborhood. We had a new adventure everyday! After my previous mistress passed away, I didn't get as much attention, as her husband was an avid golfer, and not around too much. Let's face it...Male Creatures are not "Nurturers, like us females"! So I had "Mats"....quite a bad case, if I say so myself. Us Persians tend to get them if we are not groomed on a regular basis.

So you see, I'm not really that "Fat", just a lot of hair that hasn't been groomed for some time...I'm actually svelte, maybe a few pounds need to be shed...after all, I'm a female and I tend to bloat at times.!

My new master was turning out to be an "Alright Dude", coining a human phrase. He immediately became interested not only in my getting the proper nourishment but making sure that I had the right "Cat Cosmetics" to make me the truly beautiful lady that I was meant to be!

Along with my new owners, there was another person that lived in our home. It was the younger son of my mistress. He didn't seem to interested in me, but would occasionally rub my head and speak to me. Little did I know that soon our closeness would result in a traumatic experience for the both of us.

It all started with the Master...."Why don't you give her a bath"! Good Bast! Don't they know that cats deplore water.....what does he think I am.....a dog? Woof, Woof....Wrong!

That night was an experience I would like to forget....first of all, someone told this young strapping boy that bathing a cat could be extremely hazardous....potentially causing serious injury to the "bather". So he, along with a friend, prepares themselves taking what they deem necessary precautionary measures to avoid any mishaps. They dress in long sleeve sweatshirts and jeans, put on gloves and carry me into the enclosed shower stall at the rear of the house. Talk about "Close Quarters", nobody can hardly move, I'm afraid they are going to step on me and I'm freezing from the wet fur, loaded with a strange smelling concoction that has formed bubbles all over me. All I could do is stand there....wailing at the top of my feline lungs!

The younger boy reaches down and massages me, rubbing the mixture all through my coat....making sure he get's me completely saturated. Then he reaches up and turns on the water which explodes in tiny sprays, rinsing the mixture off and disappearing into a few holes at the bottom. "Am I going to be sucked into those little holes as well". This was a rather eery that I would not care to embark on again.

Afterwards, they wrapped me in what they called a "Towel" and left me standing in the room for awhile....shivering. Then the mistress finally enters and grabs this device that blows air....and commences to blow the warm air on my body. At this point in time, I'm way too tired to fight....all the energy has drained out of my body. The shower did all I could do was just lay there and "Let the Good Times Roll"!

From that point on, I received daily brushings, combings, tiny clippings of mats that could be removed....but my hair problem was more problematic. The mats just weren't coming out like everyone expected....even with all of the hair products my mistress started to use on me. Leave In Conditioners, Detanglers, she had them all, but nothing seemed to give her the satisfaction she needed. I swear, everytime I looked at that woman, she had a pair of scissors or my brush and comb in her hand and was making a mad dash for me. Forget hiding, she would retreive matter what. This woman was on a mission.

Ultimately, someone mentioned "Why don't you use Clippers"? The Master of the house, said....No, I wouldn't do it, let the Vet do it....that's it, we'll take her to the vet and get her clipped!..... Like I said, this woman was on a mission and nothing was going to stop her...I knew it, why didn't the master know it!

Anyway, she began using the clipper devices on me, shearing all the fur from my stages.

This is how I looked before my encounter with the buzzing device, called Clippers!

Albeit, with good intentions, being the determined woman she is, my mistress doesn't stop here but continues on....with determination.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Warning: Female Sexual Predator Alert

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to
be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many
females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer."

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in
bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female
sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to
go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to

consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no

strings attached sex

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers,
men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking
women whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking beer,
men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to
them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something
bad" occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's
savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." In extreme cases,
the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male
into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as
"marriage." In the worst case scenario a third party is introduced to

help induce the marriage-like state which renders the man completely

imprisoned with a long term debt in excess of $150,000, which renders

the victim completely under the control of this wanton predator financially

until the third party reaches the age of 18.

Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is
administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it,

there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of

your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men. For the

support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the

phone book If you have encountered one of these predators and

reached the second stage, there is no other recourse except to

pay her monthly, every month until you DIE....or GO TO JAIL,



Moral of this story: If you drink, don't screw, if you have to



Last one, right?

Please, not another one

She's had a haircut, a bath, and now the final touch!!!